Sadness In My Very Bones
The following is from an autobiography by Hiroyuki Itsuki, Tariki. Itsuki quotes from a play by Hyakuzo Kurata about the life of Shin Buddhist monk, Shinran. I have decided to put it up here because it resonates rather nicely with an overall feeling of sadness I think should not be banished as if it was a virus, but considered a valuable source of life teaching. Yet, I find there aren’t many people willing to tune into it. I see a culture of forced optimism and autosuggestion all around. An oppressive regime of complusive happiness. No wonder profound depression and anxiety bubble up from beneath the surface of this facade ever so often. Anyway, Shinran, an old, experienced master, is having a conversation with a young student called Yuien. Here is how it goes down:
Yuien, gazing outside, says softly to Shinran, “Master, I have been feeling so sad lately. Sometimes, even just watching people walking down the street, I am overcome by a feeling of sadness and I start to weep. Is there something wrong with me?”
Shinran replies, “There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re fine, Yuien, just fine. If you feel sad, feel sad. There’s nothing you can do about it.” Yuien asks again, “Does even a person such as yourself, master, feel sad at times?
Shinran replies, “I am sad, too. But, Yuien, this sadness you are feeling now and my sadness are a bit different. Your sadness will pass with time. It is a sadness that can be cured, but the sadness I feel is a profound, weighty sadness that has sunk deep into my very bones. And I know that I will carry this sadness with me for the rest of my life.”
He continues, “The time will come when you can understand this true sadness I speak of, when you will come to feel it for yourself. Yuien, when that time comes, do not try to escape from that sadness or ignore it or pretend you don’t feel it. Do not deceive yourself, but look right into it and follow your heart. That true sadness is your fate, trying to teach you something.”
